Relationship with wife/partner worse?
How does our relationship change with our partner?
Daddydaily recently held an informal suvey of community members with the “hot topic” & asked the question how your relationship with your partner has changed since having children. Tallies of the results over the past week have presented quite interesting results.
41% of those who responded to our non-scientific poll suggested their relationship had taken a turn for the worse. This seems to be a cause for concern. How could one of the most exciting events of a man’s life cause his closest relationship to falter? Usually people discuss the opposite, their relationship becomes stronger. Could it be that we (we meaning men) are not being truthful to others in discussing how children change the dynamic of how we interact with our partners? In other words, do we paint a rosy picture for our partners and just not discuss our frustrations with not wanting to hurt our partners’ feelings?
There is no question we become 2nd fiddle (or 3rd) when the baby comes. However, it gets lonely when you become relegated to the shadows. Your partner is totally focused on taking care of the baby and/or other children – which should be expected. It’s easy to know your role may be changing with children but the experience it is another. For sure, the biggest impact us men would complain about is the sexual aspect of the relationship. There is a definite change compared to pre-kids. Usually there are other compensating factors that help ease the change.
If you have a health relationship with your partner, then any changes will eventually be resolved. However if you are a selfish pig of a man and all you care about is your needs and not that of your family you are in for some major relationship issues. Don’t think the “selfish pig” is typical, but what is causing the reasons for people to respond their relationships are changing for the worse?
The more important question is to determine how this change on the relationship will affect the child? The good thing about this forum is anyone can post a thought to help other readers understand. It is anonymous so you don’t have to use your real name or e-mail. You can get your frustrations out and heard, maybe there are others that are having the same issues. The results of the non-scientific survey just seemed a bit scary, so there is a need to understand why people feel that way.
Posted on Tuesday, September 18th, 2007 at 4:45 pm.
Filed under Daddy Blog, Baby is Here!, Daddy STRESS.
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September 22nd, 2007 at 5:53 pm
My son is almost 4 months. He is our first child. I am 48 years old. I love that little guy so much I can believe it. He not only has changed my life — but in may ways he has saved my life.
I am a professional — I have a work at home arrangement — one day per week. I leave the house 4 days per week at 6AM and I am home at 4PM. My wife works from home exclusively and her hours are from 12PM to 8PM. So she has the boy from 12PM to 4PM until I get home. She is doing an amazing job. When I get home I take the boy and make dinner and straighten up the house a bit. We eat dinner together, watch a little TV then it is bathtime and bed time. Forget about sex. This is kind of a non issue at this point. My priority is my boy — if I could I would spend all my time with him — but I need to work for 10 - 12 more years. My wife says that I am not doing enough when I am able to be home. As I am a very responsibile worker I feel that I am not doing enought at the office. I feel that these situations are temporary but nonetheless my stay at home, work from home wife feels that she is doing more than her fare share and that I am cheating her. I come back to how much I love the boy. I listen to her and communicate with her about what is going on for her — but I feel that I am failing in almost every aspect of my life. And on a related note — what life ? I havent done anything fun in months, I am very lucky to go to the gym at work 2 or 3 days per week and stay in touch with my friends by email. Dont worry about the sex, this will come back in time — just communicate with your wife and tell her that you love her very much and thank her for giving you such a precious gift (your children !) Keep your chin up Gents !
September 22nd, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Things have changed for the worst after 2.5years and my first and only son she lives here and I live there . I very commited to my son and want the best for him.But to me shes not commited to him as such and it hurts me that there could be other things more important then this lovely young one .And hes the one that gets cut short ,but I will continue to be the best Dad i can be and maybe oneday all the pain shall dissapear and everyone will be somewhat happy,and my son will very productive and positive minded.May GOD BLESS US ALL FOR BEING concerned for what our children mean to us as responsible fathers,and loving dads the commitment runs deep in my veins……
September 22nd, 2007 at 6:03 pm
after beingtogether for almost nine years and having 3 children,we got married and been married for 3 years.theissue is my wife says she does not feel any passion for me anymore and wondered if anyone else has had this problem?also i’m agreat father and husband and do whatever needs done for both sides,she stays at home and talks about ex-lover,divorce is out of the ? but how do i get her to see what she has and not what she had in the past?.
September 29th, 2007 at 3:32 am
the relationship changes for sure! if anyone says it does not once you have kids is for sure a person who was never connected or engaged in the new family dynamic.
its not easy, but communication is the key. the more there is the better. even if its not “what you want to hear” its best said.
also, there should be some ground rules for how those tough talks should go. no yelling, screaming, etc… total respect on both sides. easier said than done - especially when no ones get any sleep and life is just kicking you in the pants!