Miscarriage and Men
Dealing with the loss of your unborn child
There I was sitting in the room with my wife during our first check-up at 10 weeks. We were so excited about our first child that we could not help ourselves from smiling ear to ear. The visit was going very well up to the doctor trying to locate the heart beat with the Doppler…
She could not locate it and took us down the hall to sonogram room in hopes to relieve our stress. My wife and I sat while she looked for the baby. “There appears to be a sac in place with no placenta” chimed from her mouth. My wife and I began to cry. We had lost our first baby.
The journey of a miscarriage is one that is often a taboo subject for public and one that is often not discussed until you experience one. All the emotions pour out over the course of the event. You ask yourself: why, how, did I do something wrong? And the worst part is as a potential father and husband there is little you can do for you wife as she goes through the physical passing of the miscarriage. It is a helpless feeling and one that leaves you daily with thoughts that you are not being a good husband for your wife.
Several days passed and we began to slowly chat about what had occurred. I realized over the past weeks that future Dads and current fathers need to talk about not only the event with their wives to comfort them. They also need to talk about it to comfort themselves. Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. It’s not uncommon and most families will have to deal with it at sometime in their marriage.
Posted on Friday, January 25th, 2008 at 10:01 am.
Filed under Daddy Blog, Before Baby.
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September 22nd, 2007 at 5:56 pm
The happy news…
My wife and I have a perfectly healthy baby boy b. 2-22-07
The rough patch…
we succeeded at pregnancy in 2005; it seemed too easy… we announced to our families that we were expecting, etc. we had a follow up ultrasound at 7-8 weeks…only to find out that the fetus was ‘demised’, in OB-parlance naturally, we were disappointed…treatment involved a D&C procedure because when the fetus’ life ends, the uterus attempts to reabsorb the tissue, which can interfere with future pregnancies. That interrupted her menstrual cycle, and put us on hold for several months.
The genetic examination of the fetus turned up a severe chromosomal defect…in the slim chance that it had survived to birth, it would have been doomed to a short, painful life. So nature has a way of dealing with nonviable pregnancies. It was some consolation to know this, and to get good OB advice…as it turns out, pregnancy is statistically far more likely to fail than succeed.
Reason aside, it was upsetting at the time, especially the feeling of ‘letting everyone else down’, even though you really aren’t.
We just kept our chins up, and after many more months of attempts, I’m happy to say we got it right.
September 22nd, 2007 at 6:00 pm
My wife and I lost a daughter 12 years ago November 1st. She was stillborn. We attended therapy sessions, which only made things worse us. I could not sit there. I didn’t want to talk. I know now that I made the wrong decision. We all grieve differently. What gets us by to this day is the thought that maybe she was sick and would have suffered or not lived much longer. We believe that she is in a much better place. With God, she can feel no pain or sadness. We have an Angel on our shoulder. It does get easier as time passes. You don’t visit the Cemetary as much, usually on Holidays or days where you need to talk to them. Holidays are always hard, but you manage to get through them. We have two sons ages 9 and 13 and a daughter thats 10. God has truely belssed us. We have another son due on the 25th of January. Please understand that no matter what the time frame, a loss is a loss. Try and be positive and look forward to the future. God is always there and works in mysterious ways. I was very anrgy with God and asked how he could do this to us? I too asked what we did wrong, what could we have done different, you got your son back. I have overcame that anger and asked God for forgiveness. You and your wife will have children. The body knows. There must have been something that was not right. Be there for each other and you will get through this. If you need to talk there are groups or family therapists you can talk with. My name is Mike and I would be more than happy to speak with you if it will help.
God bless you and your wife.
February 9th, 2008 at 1:52 am
this by far is one of the worst things that can happend to expecting parents. i have not had to experience this, but i feel for any parent who has had to endure. i don’t know how you guys do it.